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Orgasms with Altitude

by | Mar 3, 2020 | Authors Speaks

Are you a world traveler?


I wasn’t … until I started writing books. The travel part wasn’t on my radar when I first introduced the world to Addy and Quinn in The Holding You Series. I just wanted someone, ANYONE, to read my story. I remember hitting ten reviews on Amazon and feeling like I was a rock star.

Six years and eighteen books later, I’m blessed with opportunities to travel around the world to meet readers, pose for pictures, sign books with my shaky hand, and vomit in hotel rooms. Jet lag is real, and she is an unforgiving BITCH!

Scarlet Stone, Transcend, and Epoch have been translated into Hebrew. Yes, you read that right. Don’t be fooled by the stereotypes associated with Israel. It is a beautiful, historically rich, and holy land, but it’s also home to modern cities like Tel Aviv with sprawling beaches kissing the Mediterranean, high rises, startups second only to Silicon Valley, more vegan restaurants than this plant-eater could dream of on her best day, and … ROMANCE READERS! Honestly, everyone we encountered in Israel was amazingly generous, gracious, and incredibly kind. <3

Usafrut—my Israeli publisher – invited me and a small handful of other romance authors to Tel Aviv for a book signing. Well … it was much more than a signing. They hosted a trip to Jerusalem (which I missed because of that evil BITCH, jet lag), organized a phenomenal reception for readers and authors with SO MUCH FOOD, then of course there was a signing, and another reception with a stunning display of more food and ALL the drinks, a fun panel discussion, and an afterparty with a performance by Rotem Cohen ( a very sexy guy with an equally sexy voice). I couldn’t understand any of the lyrics, but he sang them in a very sexy way. ; )

Did I mention my travel companion was my son, Logan? A twenty-year-old photographer who had WAY too much to drink at the reception (drinking age in Israel is 18). Let’s just say the toilet in our bathroom was worshipped a lot during our stay.

To say I’m still in shock that my writing has brought me to this point in my life where people around the world are reading my stories in different languages would be a massive understatement. It’s an honor, a dream I never dared to actually dream, an opportunity I’m blessed to have bestowed upon me, and a million other perfectly inadequate words. <— see what I did there.

I took my only daughter on the trip with me too, Dorothy Mayhem. She hates to travel, such a homebody. We made her pose for so many photos and let strangers write all over her. We even got her wet in the Dead Sea.

I’m living a version of my best life. In other parallel universes, I hope I’m living the travel part without that BITCH called jet lag. Still, I can’t complain. Opportunity is a gift. I will never take that gift for granted. Even as I contemplate cancelling my trip to Scotland next year to attend a signing in Edinburgh because I’m scared of the jet lag and how incredibly awful I feel when it hits me, and how it threatens to ruin plans. I fear it could hit me on the day of a signing and my trip will be all for nothing. Yet, I think, “IT’S AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY! SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!”

But really … my point to this seemingly pointless blog is this … how the hell do people have sex on air planes? I splurged on business class on the way to Tel Aviv, hoping if I could get good sleep, jet lag wouldn’t be so bad. Epic fail! As I was saying … I’ve seen the “nicer” toilets on planes, and I have to say there was only one toilet on all the planes we took that I could say maybe. Maybe two people could fit into it and have sex. But what about the people sitting right outside the door or congregating in the aisles to use the toilet next? I mean … THEY SEE YOU GO IN THERE! They know what you’re doing.

And the germs … am I the only one concerned about the germs? Do you whip out your privates and stir them together in a tiny toilet room? I just … well, I just don’t know. These are issues I will have to work out in my writing. Maybe Dr. Jones or Dr. Hawkins can help me with my issues.

In the meantime … I will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.