To My First And Last One Night Stand
To Marco (No, I’m not going to add Polo),
Last night was a mistake. A big mistake. Or should I say small? I don’t want to hurt your ego. I should have listened to your sister. You’re insufferable and rude and far too cocky.
Don’t worry. I won’t be telling anyone what happened because as far as I’m concerned it never did. Please stop calling me. I do not need to come and collect my bra from you. Or the t-shirt you lent me to sleep in when I got cold. And no, that one act doesn’t make you a gentleman. Far from it.
Also, I do not need to have your smell near me to fall asleep. In fact, your shirt does the opposite. It gives me nightmares.
P.S. No, I do not want a repeat of last night at my office. I don’t care if that’s your fantasy or not. Stop texting me your fantasies, by the way.
P.P.S. The texts I sent you this morning were drunk texts. I was still hungover. Do not construe them as anything else.
P.P.P.S. Could you have given me any more love bites? There was no need to “mark your territory” because I am not yours!
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